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Hot cocoa to a sex swing first date...WTH (dating disaster story)
kreyus Offline
#1 Posted : Saturday, December 03, 2011 10:20:16 AM(UTC)

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When I was in college, it seemed like dating was fun. It was easy to meet people with similar interests, who enjoyed going out and having a good time. There was a limited amount of stress and drama.

Fast forward twenty years, as a working adult with responsibilities, it seems as if the candidate pool of people that are single, relatively attractive, educated, interesting, fun and not absolutely insane is pretty low. How does one meet some one "normal" that doesn't involve a cheesy pick up bar...like they'd be there in the first place.

After being inundated with commercial after commercial, I turned to Match.com. After being married and off the market, it took awhile to write my profile. I sat down and wrote an honest description of myself and things I'd like to do. It was really therapeutic, because it made me actually think about what traits I possessed that somebody might find attractive. Next, I started to look at the collection of what I thought was my future dates. At first, it was like going to the grocery store. Today I felt like looking at blondes. The next day, I felt like perusing brunettes. I'd read up on girls and in my mind ask myself I could see myself "dating" the girl in the profile. After about a month, I gained some confidence and some liquid courage and decided to take the plunge. By emailing, I was putting myself out there. But, I figured what the heck...

I tried.
No response.
What was wrong with me.

I tried again.
No response.
I thought what I'd written was good. How would somebody not give me a shot?

Then all of a sudden, I started getting emails from girl, then another. Then a few more. Some I thought sounded nice. Some not, so much. But I did appreciate and come to really enjoy the new attention. I'd exchange a few emails and get to know these girls via a virtual/online relationship.

After a few weeks, there was one that sounded fun. It was cold outside and icy. I was chatting with her and she asked me if I'd like to come over to her place for some hot cocoa. It sounded innocent enough, so I got into my jeep and headed over.

I knocked on the door and was pleasantly surprised to see that the pictures were not deceiving. She was cute and had a nice smile. I came in and sat on the couch. She had the hot cocoa all ready.

We chatted for a bit and she put in a movie...I forget which...but we didn't really watch...Just small talk.

Then she said she'd be right back and then she'd give me a tour of her place. Well what happened next was straight out of a penthouse forum. She went and changed into some sort of teddy number and asked me to come into her bedroom. Little did I know that she had some sort of sex toy business on the side and had wanted to use me as the test dummy. In the doorway, I saw her in a black leather corset, slapping a whip in her hand. I sat and look and saw a sex swing, any kind of vibrator you could imagine and then what looked to be something that she strapped on herself. I don't think that I had been the first and am pretty sure wasn't going to be the last.

Don't get me wrong, I do enjoy being romantic and a little spice in the bedroom...but wow. Hot cocoa to a sex swing is too much of a jump for me. I turned around speechless and walked out.

So, what I thought was the "girl next door" turned into a hot cocoa drinking dominatrix.

Never talked to her again after that.

Match.com...You get all kinds.
Jom Offline
#2 Posted : Monday, December 05, 2011 3:20:18 AM(UTC)

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Hahaha! That was entertaining. Now that's a post!
yondo Offline
#3 Posted : Saturday, December 10, 2011 4:50:43 PM(UTC)

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That would make a good "dear penthouse..."
JenniferL Offline
#4 Posted : Saturday, December 10, 2011 5:11:07 PM(UTC)

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Location: State College, PA

Don't worry, not all girls are like that. I actually had to google "sex swing" because it didn't make sense. I was thinking like swingers or something.
Chococherri Offline
#5 Posted : Friday, December 23, 2011 9:13:51 AM(UTC)

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Well, she did invite a stranger she met on the internet to her house for a first date. She kinda told you the type of girl she was by action even if she was saying a different thing. Hilarious though.
GiraffeAffair Offline
#6 Posted : Friday, August 17, 2012 7:10:41 PM(UTC)

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This reminds me of that one scene from Eurotrip with Lucy Lawless that left Cooper walking funny the next day. Remember, the safe word is Phlugenphaluph!!(or something like that ;) )
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